The Phrases from A Father Which Helped Us during my time as a New Parent

"In my view I was merely trying to survive for twelve months."

Former Made In Chelsea star Ryan Libbey anticipated to cope with the demands of being a father.

However the reality rapidly became "utterly different" to what he pictured.

Serious health complications surrounding the birth saw his partner Louise hospitalised. Suddenly he was pushed into acting as her chief support in addition to looking after their baby boy Leo.

"I handled each nighttime feed, every nappy change… each outing. The duty of both parents," Ryan explained.

After nearly a year he became exhausted. It was a chat with his father, on a public seat, that led him to understand he required support.

The straightforward words "You aren't in a good place. You need support. In what way can I help you?" opened the door for Ryan to express himself truthfully, seek support and regain his footing.

His situation is not uncommon, but seldom highlighted. While society is now more accustomed to discussing the strain on mums and about postpartum depression, far less attention is paid about the difficulties new fathers go through.

Seeking help isn't a weakness to seek assistance

Ryan believes his challenges are symptomatic of a broader reluctance to open up between men, who still absorb harmful notions of manhood.

Men, he says, tend to think they must be "the rock that just gets hit and remains standing with each wave."

"It isn't a sign of weakness to request help. I failed to do that fast enough," he clarifies.

Therapist Dr Jill Domoney, a specialist focusing on mental health pre and post childbirth, says men often don't want to admit they're struggling.

They can feel they are "not the right person to be seeking help" - most notably ahead of a mother and child - but she emphasises their mental health is just as important to the unit.

Ryan's conversation with his dad offered him the opportunity to take a respite - spending a couple of days overseas, outside of the family home, to gain perspective.

He realised he required a change to consider his and his partner's feelings as well as the logistical chores of taking care of a newborn.

When he shared with Louise, he saw he'd overlooked "what she longed for" -holding her hand and paying attention to her words.

Reparenting yourself'

That realisation has reshaped how Ryan sees being a dad.

He's now composing Leo letters each week about his experiences as a dad, which he hopes his son will see as he grows up.

Ryan believes these will assist his son to more fully comprehend the vocabulary of emotional life and understand his parenting choices.

The notion of "reparenting" is something rapper and songwriter Professor Green - also known as Stephen Manderson - has also strongly identified with since becoming a dad to his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

When he was young Stephen was without stable male guidance. Despite having an "amazing" bond with his dad, long-standing emotional pain meant his father had difficulty managing and was "present intermittently" of his life, affecting their connection.

Stephen says bottling up emotions caused him to make "terrible actions" when younger to modify how he felt, finding solace in substance use as an escape from the hurt.

"You gravitate to behaviours that don't help," he notes. "They might temporarily change how you feel, but they will eventually exacerbate the problem."

Strategies for Coping as a New Dad

• Open up to someone - if you're feeling under pressure, confide in a friend, your partner or a counsellor how you're feeling. It can help to lighten the load and make you feel more supported.
• Keep up your interests - keep doing the things that made you feel like yourself before the baby arrived. This might be playing sport, meeting up with mates or playing video games.
• Don't ignore the physical health - nutritious food, staying active and if you can, getting some sleep, all are important in how your mental state is doing.
• Spend time with other parents in the same boat - hearing about their journeys, the messy ones, and also the positive moments, can help to normalise how you're experiencing things.
• Remember that requesting help does not mean you've failed - looking after you is the best way you can support your household.

When his father subsequently died by suicide, Stephen naturally had difficulty processing the loss, having had no contact with him for a long time.

Now being a father himself, Stephen's determined not to "continue the chain" with his child and instead give the stability and emotional guidance he lacked.

When his son threatens to have a tantrum, for example, they practise "shaking the feelings out" together - managing the frustrations constructively.

The two men Ryan and Stephen state they have become more balanced, healthier men because they confronted their issues, altered how they communicate, and learned to regulate themselves for their children.

"I am now more capable of… sitting with things and managing things," explains Stephen.

"I put that down in a message to Leo the other week," Ryan shares. "I said, sometimes I believe my role is to teach and advise you what to do, but actually, it's a dialogue. I'm learning just as much as you are through this experience."